I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am spending my child support on dildos
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Panties = found
Randomize
