cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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