Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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