HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
