Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
