At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Randomize
