am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
