I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
