the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
