I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
