I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want her autograph on my taint
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
