my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
