you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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