JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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