im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
