maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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