you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
