My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
