gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
