I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize