Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
