drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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