soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
