I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize