I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
