Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
