A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
