i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize