Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
