Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize