why didn't you poke me back
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
