whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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