he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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