I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
