It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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