I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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