So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
