At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
