Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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