Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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