I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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