I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
