Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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