your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm too high and old for this...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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