you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
