Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
