Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
