I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
