I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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