Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
