he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
