Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
