Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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