after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize