She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
