you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
