my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
