we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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