I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
