Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
