Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
