How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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