i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
