my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
