yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
where are my eyebrows?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
