I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
