there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
