So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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