She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
