He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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